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This morning, I stumbled upon a very simple quote on Tumblr. A very simple one but leaving me with so so many thoughts.
As a girl who spends time a lot on her own, I appreciate myself and every single thing around me as much as I can. But, the focus in this case is, I really appreciate myself more than anything. Eventhough sometimes I could still find myself asking, "Really? Will you able to do this? Are you sure? This is too difficult for you, you'll fail again this time." but then I remember that nobody will appreciate me if I can't even appreciate myself. Which relate to nobody will ever understand your value, if you don't even value yourself. You know, this is self-love.
And as I grew up, I came to realise that falling in love with yourself is not an easy stuff. We are living in the world where listening to people's opinions about our life is so much necessary than leaving all of that behind. We are living in the world where taking so much care of other people (who's not our parents here) is far more necessary than taking care of ourselves. We are living in the world where putting other people's priorities is much much more necessary than ours. We are living in the world where saying yes instead of no while your poor little heart says no for the sake of other people.
I know this may sound so pathetic, but I do spend a lot of time on my own.
I read books. A lot of them.
I read about other people's stories. Also, a lot of them.
I go to places. Sometimes alone.
I travel. Mostly alone.
I write, about way too many things.
I sit by the window in the corner of a coffee shop and watch people go by.
I think about people. My parents. My family. My best friends. People I truly love.
I think more about myself.
But I'm not ashamed to admit that. Being alone is different with being lonely.
By being alone, I've been learning one of the most important yet forgettable thing by everyone. Self-love.
In my term, self-love is simply appreciating yourself and listening to yourself more than anybody else.
Self-love is not selfish.
Self-love is not self-absorbed.
Self-love is not self-centered.
Self-love is not a crime.
I repeat, it's just simply appreciating yourself and listening to yourself more than anybody else.
Because you deserve it. Everyone deserves it.
I have a story. A little one, dont bother if you dont want to read it. But this always been a true story you often find in our daily life.
I have a friend who just broke up with her boyfriend. She dated him for years. She loved (I have a feeling that she still loves) him with all of her life. I once predicted that they must be ended up married. But, then HE dumped her. I didn't know why. But later on I found out why. I asked, "why?" and she said, "he likes another girl. He's bored with me." and no wonder she spent every nights for two weeks crying and liking all of emo posts on instagram about breaking up. I think it's normal. It's the process about how people move on. For a week, two weeks, three weeks.
But when I heard how she begged him to get back together, saying that she can't do it if it's not him. She's already in the state where he's always been there. She cried, she begged. She told him that she loved (or loves) him so much. (yuck)
And there, I was like, excuse me?
I don't blame anybody who spends weeks to move on. I get that point. I also had time when I spent weeks crying on my stupidity. But, that's that. I spent weeks crying which I think as a process and then I moved on. I repeat, I moved on. I left all of that behind and I promise I will never allow that to come near again. That is my term about moving on.
That is the way how I appreciate myself. Because I know my value. I realise that I can't spend time with people who don't get my value.
It's self-love, honey.
And it's not self-love when you're begging to get back together to someone who left you in pieces, who didn't know your worth, who saw you as an object, who dumped you just because he found another girl. You're just embarrasing yourself. The moment you call him again, the moment he laughs out loud and that's also the moment when you put yourself, your value, your worth at the lowest point of.. of.. wow, so many things. The lowest point of way too many things. Dignity. Pride.
I don't blame anybody who loves their significant others with all of their hearts. You absolutely can do that. Nobody forbid that. But, the problem is when that significant other is no longer see you in the eyes just like how you see him in the eyes.
When he stops staring at your eyes the way you are to them, remember your worth. He is not the sun, you are.
I believe, the time you start appreciating more about yourself, you'll realise and understand exactly what you deserve.
The moment you know your worth, your value; the moment you will never let anybody leaves you in pieces. That nobody has the power to break you.
Your life, your achievement, your happiness are all your own responsibilities. You. Yours. Not anybody else.
I truly came to realise that when you know your worth, when you appreciate yourself more, and when you're really understand to love yourself; nobody will ever look down on you. People who come to your life will be the people who truly know your worth and your value. Like, how could people dare to look down on you when you're so brave, strong and extra-ordinary?
And these people are not the people who will easily come and go. I believe these people are the people who also understand their own value. I believe that these people are the people who will stay. I believe that these people are the people who deserve all of your heart.
But, if they still leave you in pieces, I'm sure you're still not appreciating yourself enough. And those people are not the people I meant. Back at it, because you still have no idea how valuable you are.
Remember, you are the sun.
And self-love, is not a crime.
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