Letter to March

Dear March,

You've been a lot of surprises. 

You began with such a childish hope that things were better already. I was hopeful with everything, I was confidence where my life would lead to. I woke up everyday feeling good until I realised things were never better. It was a nightmare. A nightmare turned into life. My life.
I cried while washing the dishes. I cried while driving. I cried while I was going to sleep. I didn't want to cry with my mother because I must able to become her strength.
It wasn't easy, at all. 

But, I believe, just like those beautiful dreams, nightmares don't last.
There's nothing lasts forever, as cliche as it may sounds, at least in this world.

Despite all the tsunami, blizzard, snowstorm, hurricane - I'm trying hard to see the bright side, which the best thing is, I've been spending a lot of times reading (on my fourth book now!) and writing on my journal.
These are a few things I've done lately:

I Finished reading London Belongs to Us in six hours.

I'm a bit ashamed to say this, but this book is really the first book I read in 2017. I totally lost all my motivation to read since December and now I've been trying hard to read again. It was difficult to start again. Once I started reading a few lines, I got really overwhelmed and always wanted to put it down right away. 

I tried to look for an easy read and one day I found London Belongs to Us review on a blog where she said, "... and it's just the thing to get you back into reading if you need a nudge" and without further thinking, I ordered straight away from Amazon and once I got it on my Kindle App, I started reading and couldn't put it down. 

It was a perfect book. In my case.

It had London, literally, it's an adventure of a girl who spent the night exploring the city. It was funny too, and smart. I love it that there are a lot of Feminism-related notes there.

I talked with my long-lost sister Dilara about our girl's mission in Vienna.

Dilara is one of my best friend in London, we met four years ago, it's been such a long time. I can't wait to meet her again this May in Vienna.

My brother came home, we picked him up at the airport and had a nice family dinner afterwards.

I met up with one of my adorable friend Mita and talked for three hours straight.

We went to the same uni, even to the same class for seven semesters; but we haven't met again for two months and I just realized how I missed talking with her after seeing her face last Sunday! 

We talked about way so many things and it was such a good time.

I went to the cinema and watched Beauty and the Beast alone.

I've never watched movie at the cinema alone and for the first time ever in my life, I did it on a saturday night. Of course I was sitting in the middle of two couples with popcorn and soda and I was there, smiling ear to ear throughout the entire movie just because I felt so much related to Belle in million little ways.

"There must be more than this provincial life." 

I watched the animated version many years ago, but I didn't remember if Belle loved the books that much. I thought about how Emma looked more Emma than Belle for the entire movie, but still I adore her so very much. 

And by the end of the month... I finally talked to my parents. 
About what I'm actually planning for my future. What are the things actually inside my head that I've been hiding from everyone. About my dreams. About what do I actually want to do in the future.
And they understood.

Dear March,
you're a funny thing.
If the storm, that massive storm, that happened earlier was actually the payment I had to make for this thing I've been longing for ever - I don't know what to do with you.

Dear March,
you're really a funny thing. 
Thank you.